Even if it’s what everyone else used to do.
My son: “Can I have a grilled cheese?”
Me: “…please?”
Some people will tell you that kids aren’t polite. Video games, lack of socialization, TV, movies, we can all make excuses for why this is a current conception.
Then, you will see a video on Facebook about how teachers are encouraging their students to give a hug or a high five on the way into the classroom. Other folks will cheer this as a incremental return to the social skills that we want to see kids have.
This is not an attempt to answer the question “What has happened to basic social skills?” I’m not in a position to do that research and tell you everything you thought you knew. I will, however, make this statement. The skills we want to see in our children need to be shown by us first.
In “The Little Things:Why You Really Should Sweat the Small Stuff” by Andy Andrews, Mr. Andrews shares some thoughts on the behaviors that make people stand out. Yes, you’re an entreprenuer. Yes, you engage in lifestyle design. Maybe you’re an athlete in your 30s or 40s or maybe you’re “just” someone looking to unlock something in your own children. These are all their own accomplishments which make you stand out. Is there anything you are missing?
Mr. Andrews goes on to talk about these behaviors and how it’s the “little things” that make a difference.
- a good handshake
- eye contact
- addressing someone by name, or “sir” or “ma’am”
- saying “please” and “thank you”…ALWAYS
- “May I…” when asking for something
My family and I were out in Southhold, NY on the North Fork. Being native Long Islanders, we absolutely love meandering through the farms and towns out there. I can’t quantify the number of times I have thought about living out there. We sit down at a restaurant and my son orders grilled cheese, my daughter orders chicken fingers (the staples of an American childhood of course). After each request, I insert “please,” and the kids added that word after the fact, but at least the kids made eye contact.
The server noted how “nice” it was that my wife and I were trying to instill manners in the kids and it struck me. These little things DO stand out. Yes, the server noticed it at a restaurant in Southhold. However, the aggregate of these behaviors will lead my children to (hopefully) be different one day.
It’s easy to put kids on devices. It’s easy to fall into TV. It’s hard to seek out relationships and subtly push your children to the behaviors that will make them stand out. The work must be worth the pay off, at the very least for the return of basic manners.
There will come a time when it will be harder and harder to stand out. Information is at the ready. People “know” a lot today. It’s much harder to do things and it’s much harder to “be” a person these days. Think about the little things in your life that could be changed and you might be surprised what changes could make big differences.
