Just not the way you might think.
You might have seen the GEICO commercial- You can’t stop yourself from becoming your parents, but you can save 15% or more on car insurance. It’s right up there with the caveman commercials, that is of course, if you are a commercial connoisseur like myself.
The perception that we become our parents is so much more than just a cultural observation. It can be true in many ways. We pick up what we observe. We pick up our parent’s habits and mannerisms. Not only do we end up looking like our folks, but we end up acting like them too.
Photo by John-Mark Smith on Unsplash
Now, consider an inverse concept associated with this idea. We become our parents, yes, but what about our children? Our children become us in many ways. After all, they pick up what they observe.
While memory is fallible and can be skewed by the moments of your current life, there is something to be said for examining the parallels between your own life and then one you are creating around your own children.
The poem “Children Learn What They Live” is a heartfelt approach to what I am talking about here. When we show our children the behaviors we want them to exhibit, we make it much easier to cultivate those behaviors in them.
You may not remember your childhood completely, or you may have edited it to fit your current persona, but what sticks out?
- Did you manage change well?
- Did you adapt to new people and new situations?
- Were you sociable, or did you need a push to make friends?
- Were you quick to frustrate?
- What did you think about school? Sports? Reading?
These are just a few things to think about when we think about our past.
Now, consider this: how many of these things have resolved themselves? Yes, we all grow and learn, but how many of us are reliving some of these challenges? How many of us have moved on to “full” adulthood?
- Are you quick to frustrate now?
- Do you see through challenges?
- Do you pass up the opportunity to read or connect with others because of friction-free interactions online?
If you’re still dealing with frustration, and at some point, who isn’t; how does that frustration manifest itself? Bouts of anger? Yelling, cursing?
If you’re still dealing with your ability to see through a challenge, how does that manifest? Procrastination? Finding solace in “lesser pursuits?”
If you’d rather scroll through Facebook or get into a comment war with someone on Twitter, are you costing yourself a connection with a loved one?
Reincarnation is real; just not the way you think. Working through our own challenges while raising children is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard work. It requires examination of what we do. It requires intentional parenting so that you are monitoring what you do so that you may be the best version of yourself. This version can and will translate into your children.
In a way, you are reliving your life through your kids. Will you choose to move forward or be stuck doing the same things? Worse, will you influence your children to do the same things?
This is not met as a condemnation of behavior. There will be times in which we all slip as people and as parents. I yell at my kids. I don’t always show them the proper model.
But I do this: I continue to examine what I do and what could be differently. Not better all the time, but differently.
My hope is that you take this concept and apply it to your life. Whether an educator or a parent, being intentional about your actions can yield the results that you want. We cannot expect our students and children to develop without the best models we can give.
