What is one simple way to get your kids to behave better?
“curio…”
I was going to look up a cartoon version of the Curiousity Rover. Every first day of school and every last day of school, I work to create chalkboards proclaiming the event. It’s a bit of a tradition in our home.
My son, entering 4th grade, is an artist. Technology and other pursuits sometimes drive him away from his art, but I truly believe he will do something creative. I figured I was going to make his chalkboard this year, but things changed.
As I am doing my search, I hear “Ow. Ow! OWWWW!”
I didn’t react well.
After interrogation style questions and demands to go his room, I discovered my son kicked my daughter (who’s going into 2nd grade). Why? A most egregious error: she was messing with his pencils.
And here’s the simple idea: what do you do when your kids act up? Think about it really, because your memory might be faulty. Do you handle hot emotions and rough acts with equanimity and calm? Do you fly off the handle and then become calm? Do you go full Hulk (without the trashing of the house)?
Like any person, my reactions are different, and that’s the rub. There are going to be moments when I lose my cool. There are going to be moments when I am calmer. My inner state and reactions to my environment are all going to affect that reaction.
The key is making more of those reactions calmer. Unless, of course, I want my kids to be hotheads who can’t handle a little stress.
The simple idea again: show your kids the way you want them to handle tough situations. Show your kids the way you want them to handle stress.
This isn’t a binary situation, it’s not “do this, not that” and there will be success. On the other hand, working to have more calm reactions will pay off in the long run. I am still a work in progress as we all are, but this realization stuck with me on the other side of the tough emotions and behavior yesterday afternoon.
One addition to this idea, my educator friends: think about your home as your classroom. You put your best face forward there, try and bring it home with you too. Stress from the workday will get in the way, home responsibilities will get in the way, but there is always the option to put on that teacher face and show your own children the way you want them to be.
After some time for each of us to cool down, my son and I ended up spending the evening making his chalkboard. He did the artwork this year after we talked about our actions and what we could do differently next time. Unpacking and reflecting are not lost on children, and it’s an important step. Limits were also drawn, I will reconnect with him, but when he asks for time on technology later, I reminded him about what new limits were being set.
If you’re interested more in ideas such as this No-Drama Discipline was eye-opening for me to say the least. While every idea does not jibe with my parenting style, there was a lot to takeaway.
In the end, cooler heads will prevail. I want my kids to handle stress differently that I did- I want them to be more like the version of myself that I am uncovering. For you? It will come down to what you want. I wish you the best in your journey as a parent.
