I’ve spent a lot of time during the past few months angry.
Angry that school was closed. Angry that I had to do my job over a computer. Angry that I had to wade through my children’s school work on top of doing my job.
It’s not full blown, throwing things and yelling anger, but it’s there. Like a simmering pot you forgot on the stove. You come back and the meatballs are burned or the pasta has boiled over.
Anger that’s not enough to pay attention to but is silently ruining what you do, how you do it, and who you do things with.
In the book, “The Stoic Challenge” by William B. Irvine, there are multiple stoic ideas that are discussed, but one that stuck with me the most while navigating the pandemic and quarantine at home. This idea, anger and how we blame others, resonated the most.
The reality is that it’s probably me. And when you misplace your anger, it’s probably you.
Yes other people will piss you off. Yes your work situation will shift or change. Yes you will have to do other things that you didn’t sign up to do.
Yes you can be stuck home. Yes you can be helping your children with their schoolwork while you have other things to do.
When confronted with all these changes and challenges, it feels so good to blame. The teachers need to do more, after all, I’m working hard for my students. The kids need to be more resilient, after all, I have to deal with being home more too. My spouse needs to appreciate me, he/she doesn’t know what I’m going through.
In the end, it’s probably you. You’re not letting things go. You’re expecting things and not asking for help. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself or your loved ones.
While easy to say and hard to do, try these things:
Take a breath- taking a step back might allow you to see other options beside getting angry or upset. For instance, just taking a breath in the situation might allow you to not knee-jerk react and just yell. Taking a breath might allow you the space and time to think before acting. We are used to reactions these days, not calculations and thinking.
Find the good- It might seem bleak when you’re in the midst of a difficult situation. Considering my own experience this spring, I see that my children developed more independence which encouraged me to help them find more tasks to become independent with. Furthermore, I found out about superfluous communication (like some group texts) — I didn’t need to jump in on each message because time was short- I relegated check-ins to certain times which allowed me to be more present at other times.
Self-Care/Take Time for Yourself- It sounds trite, but take time for yourself whenever you can. Checking Facebook is not taking time for yourself. Commenting on a tweet is not taking time for yourself. It might feel like it, but it isn’t. Reading and responding to social media can inflame anger or help it persist. Instead, take a walk. Take a meditation break (try an app like Headspace or Meditation Studio). Read some fiction. Do a microworkout. Unplug for a little, it will pay off.
Anger has a way of creeping into our lives. Little frustrations become big ones. Our fast-paced lives don’t help with decreasing these little frustrations, if anything, they can add to them. Couple these observations with our current pandemic focused lives and it’s a recipe for disaster within your life. Take breaks, take time for yourself, and look for the good; especially with school reopening, it will be necessary for yourself, your students, and your family.
