“I just want her to.. have a different experience.”
I came to this educational team as the “new guy,” knowing of the student, but not her history in as clear of a sense as I have known other students. Here we were at the annual review, and Mom was speaking up for her child. Not being rude, but being pointed in knowing that there have been influences on her daughter’s life for years (at this point), and voicing her concern over that fact.
There are a few realities to public education : influence of kids on one another is a significant one. Some kids can be aloof, and not pick up the characteristics of those around them. Some can be intentional and not want to pick on the behaviors around them. For some kids, it’s out of their control. We are wired to imitate the things we see around us. It’s a realistic concern when a parent wants good models around their child.
What’s more is there are multiple perspectives that you see when you attend meetings for students with special education needs. The Committee on Special Education, or “CSE” is intended to be a forum in which parents, educators, school administrators and even impartial members (once upon a time, some parents would volunteer to listen in to the meeting and provide guidance to a parent if they asked) meet and discuss the current educational performance of a student and work together to make decisions about the best course forward.
The parents at today’s meeting have been to many meetings, and been to meetings for many years. This is not their first time at the table, and this is not the first time they have advocated for what is best for their daughter.
I’ve told parents in my “other job,” a speech/language pathologist in private practice, to not expect the school district to do the right thing and give your child what they need. I’ve counseled them to ask for relatively ridiculous things and hope to land with a compromise that matches up with what is best for the child. Unfortunately, going to these meetings does not guarantee the best possible outcome. It’s not to determine whether a child needs extra help, but rather whether a child has a disability (and specifically whether that disability falls within 13 categories such as autism, learning disability, and others) and whether that disability causes an impact on their learning significant enough to warrant help from other people than a general education teacher.
What the parents today knew, and the perspective that they bring, is that they want the absolute best for their child. More services, more time in classrooms with more teachers, and any advantage that can help their daughter not only catch up, but thrive. At first glance, who wouldn’t want that? I mean, what parent goes into school and has no expectation for what kind of educational experience their child will have?
Is it possible that some adults don’t have an expectation?
That’s another perspective for another time.
When you attend these meetings as an educator, you prepare information. Sometimes testing, sometimes notes, always information from the classroom, and you have a plan. The child is here, and we think they can get there. It doesn’t always mean that the travel from here to there requires any more help than what any student would need. Sometimes, it means the child needs a lot of help. More than you could even imagine.
Parent perspectives help to drive what happens for any students. Like I said, who doesn’t want the best for their child? But who also is overwhelmed by their current family life, our work-home balance, or ailing parent, or any number of other factors. Worse, who wants the best for their child but can’t be bothered with all the damn work? Being a parent is no easy task, the work is apparently never done. It just changes.
When you are an educator, take this parent’s perspective when the conversation gets bristly. When a colleague is being discussed. When a group of children are described as not being positive influences. When wanting the most help possible, especially whent the idea is to build and keep confidence in a child. When the parents wants the best for their child and they choose to not hold their hand out or they choose to not be diplomatic. Take this parent’s perspective, it’s one of many.
